During the past few weeks i have been able to do much thinking. In the past eight months my life has changed dramaticly I moved away from home lol got married and had to adapt to a difffernt way of life. It deffinatly has not been the easiest thing i have ever done and it is still hard. Like any one else in this world i have my good and my bad days. i wish there was a way i could make life perfect but i dont believe there is. I look at people who seem to have the perfect life who seem to never have to face any trails or temptaion. At first my first thought is " That is so not fair." And on a bad day I look back and i see everything i have been through and I feel sorry for myself. but then as I CHOOSE to look at things differently i see that things are happining for a reason. there are times that i can look into the future and be happy with what i see coming. but i also am afraid. afraid that i have messed up to badly for things to turn out the way i alway planned. they say the first step to repantace and forgivness is forgiving your self. and that is not easy no east at all. I was told once that the choices that we make may not always make sense or even seem like the right decsion but i believe that the lord is not going to let me make a decision that is going to effect me so badly that i do not learn anything form the struggles that come with the decsion. I do not understand the stuff that I have to struggle through and it seems as if it is a never ending fountain of trail after trail. but my mind has been made up that i an do this i just need to keep going one day at a time, cause thats all i can do to make sense of anything that goes on any more! I have always had a hard time letting my fear over take my faith. Fear is my biggest temptaiotion. i give in to fear everytime. what will they thing? how will they react? will they still love me? who is looking at me? they are all types of fear that is very difficult for me to control and then fear leads my decsions. i know i have talked about this before. How do we control the fear from over taking our faith. THAT I DO NOT KNOW! and it is something that i believe that you must figure out for your self only you can decide how to control your feel and to build your faith so that it is stronger than your fear. but we are lucky enough to have ways to help us reach that personal decsion. listin to the advice of others pray for guidence and search the scriptures. there are ways to find the faith in every day. just look for it. lol maybe one day ONE DAY i will be able to take my own advice ha ha maybe . . . . . . . .
