WORLD FIRST

My world keeps spinning around and i cant control it. as i spin i try to grasp on. on to anything that will steady me. but around me things keep changing. a changing world is nothing but unstable an strange. filled iwth lingering doubt and unbeliefe. its hard to understand the unexplainable. to feel safe you hide away in your thoughts and dreams. we wallow in self pitty and regret. never letting go of the promises we never really made. we live our lifes by unspoken rules. and so my world keeps spinning and i am still afraid. afraid of this world that i can not undertand. but i live by its ruls and fears. does fear truly control our actions? are our thoughts and actions constintly guided by nothing else but fear? we fear that which we may never become. we fear teh unknown and the change around us. but most of all we fear our own potential to become something greater then we dare to dream. we fear the uncoditional love inside of us all. we fear our weakness and letting it show. so we cover our selfs up with our fancy masks for the outside world. so my world keeps spinning. so fast i can not jump off! but more and more people keep jumping on. they dont understand the consequences. the consequences of an unforgiving wolrd. controled by fear and hid behind a mask

The Fear

i am not afaid of falling. its standing back up that scares me. the world is big and full of uncertantys. Fear controls my decisons. my heart beats to the rythem of fear. it guides my thoughts and controls my action. my mind is strangled by the darkness of fear. i run from what is inside of me. i hide behind smile and laughter. i use anger to hide my pain. there can not be fear and faith. but i can not let go of fear to let faith conquer so the fear is my fault. a solution is right in front of me ut i can not make it work. i consumes me. at times fear turns into sorrow an dthen i am afraid.....and fear conquers yet again. when fear is presant nothing else can exsist. not thought not reason. nothing but fear. i consumes my world. i can not escape this world of fear. i know thw way but i can not grasp hold. so i just keep living in FEAR! fear can not control me. but it does and i cant control it. faith can not exsist where fear resides. si i become weak... all because of fear. the fear is stronger then my faith. and soon the fiath is lost. it to becomes consumed by the fear. fear is a mountain that i can not climb. i tried but i kept stumbling. so now i sit at the bottem. defeated, by fear. i dont want it to win, but i am so tired of fighting. my strength is gone. i surrenered to fear. i hand my heart over and it become dark and feelingless. i loose sight of the light and stop running. i just decide to STOP. because then i am safe. but this is a strange safe. its a lonely safe. i become safe from everything. everything but fear. because you can not run away from fear.it follows you it lives in your heart. it is constantly haunting my mind. i cant explain the darkness that consumes me.i have given in to fear. AND IT CONTROLS ME! and i let it.now it holds me in its grasps and will not let me go. and i cant BREAK FREE!!!

to stephy

FRIENDS!! til the very end you will always be my friend

through the dark and the light, i will always keep you by my side.

if one of us falls and cant find our way.

the other will be there to help light up the way.

i will be your shoulder to cry on.

i will listen to your deepest desires and help you reach your dreams.

when failure creeps up and all seems lost

together we can find the way back to success.

even through the fights and the tears.

we will conquer all of out fears.

becuase we are friends we have been through it all

nothing will ever tear us apart.

we may grow up and we may grow apart

but friendship is something that you can always cherish in your heart.

the impact you have made on me is a strong one for sure.

because you accepted.

i know that i am not the best friend ever

and i hope that you can forgive me.

forgive me for the mistakes i have made

and the ones i have yet to make.

i love the fact that your my friend

and that you listen to all me problems and my fears.

you help me realize my dreams and find a way to reach them.

you lift me up to be the best that i can.

because you can see more in me than i can.

and same for you. i see your true potential.

i see every light that shines through your eyes

i pray that you will achieve your dreams and reach the highest star

there is no doubt in my mind that you wont change the world!!!

you where sent here to do marvoulos things

and you have done so many all ready

so much more lies ahead for you.

thanx for your friendship.

you hold a place in my heart

i love you my friend.

with all my heart.

this is me

this is just a product of what i am.

this is how my life plays out

all the things that are out of my control

and all those that i can but choose not to.

the way i mess things up and try to put them back together.

the things that get thrown at me

and the way i dodge them and the things that hit me

what happens when i fall

and how i bring myself back up

the people who grab my hand and guide me down the path

and the way sometimes run and hide from life

and how it always catches up with me..

so read with care and dont take it this all to lightly

because this is my life and how it is destined to be.