The Fear

i am not afaid of falling. its standing back up that scares me. the world is big and full of uncertantys. Fear controls my decisons. my heart beats to the rythem of fear. it guides my thoughts and controls my action. my mind is strangled by the darkness of fear. i run from what is inside of me. i hide behind smile and laughter. i use anger to hide my pain. there can not be fear and faith. but i can not let go of fear to let faith conquer so the fear is my fault. a solution is right in front of me ut i can not make it work. i consumes me. at times fear turns into sorrow an dthen i am afraid.....and fear conquers yet again. when fear is presant nothing else can exsist. not thought not reason. nothing but fear. i consumes my world. i can not escape this world of fear. i know thw way but i can not grasp hold. so i just keep living in FEAR! fear can not control me. but it does and i cant control it. faith can not exsist where fear resides. si i become weak... all because of fear. the fear is stronger then my faith. and soon the fiath is lost. it to becomes consumed by the fear. fear is a mountain that i can not climb. i tried but i kept stumbling. so now i sit at the bottem. defeated, by fear. i dont want it to win, but i am so tired of fighting. my strength is gone. i surrenered to fear. i hand my heart over and it become dark and feelingless. i loose sight of the light and stop running. i just decide to STOP. because then i am safe. but this is a strange safe. its a lonely safe. i become safe from everything. everything but fear. because you can not run away from fear.it follows you it lives in your heart. it is constantly haunting my mind. i cant explain the darkness that consumes me.i have given in to fear. AND IT CONTROLS ME! and i let it.now it holds me in its grasps and will not let me go. and i cant BREAK FREE!!!