Deppresion

This post is not a happy post. it is a truth it is defining the truth about something that is over looked and mis understood. so read with a softne heart and an open mind. dont judge those you dont understand


Her alarm clack buzzs and she tolls over to stop the noise. Her pillow case still damp from the tears that cried her to sleep. The reason for the tears she cant remember, but she cant forget the pain that still lingers. She pulls her self out of bed and heads to the shower. Its then that the disturbing thoughts begin. the thoughts of worthlessness and despair. She then sees the razor sitting there and she quickly turns away. She know this is no solution and she hates that these thoughts she cant control. As she gets out and looks in the fogged mirrorr, she see disappoinment, shame, sadness and regret looking back at her threw her own eyes. It is then that the first tears of the day fall from her face.
deppression is knowing these thoughts arnt normal. her pride keeps her from reaching out. she still has logical reasoning but she can not control her emotions. life is good and she has so many blessings all around her. she sees them every day but why cant she manage a smile. why is she not happy. deppresion is letting these questions linger and bringing her down farther and farther.
deppression is walking around in a cloud. every look and every stare becomes personal. she holds to the anxiety that everybody is talking about her. deppression is the fact that she cant keep any one happy. she isnt good enough for this world so why does she still belong. deppression is driving to her job every day and using all her strength not to drive off the road. Deppression is putting on her mask and pretending nothing is wrong. going through her day like things are perfect. when she is alone thats when she removes her mask. she lets it all out. deppression is turning the tears off and putting on a smile as fast as needed to.deppresion laying in her bed starting at the celing the thoughts threw out the day all come flowing back at once. and again the tears stream down her face. she cant contain the crying, she cant breath she cant think. all of this becomes to overwhelming and she knows that tomorow will be no better but only worse. the next morning the alarm clock rings. today, today she doesnt want to get out of bed. she is tired of fighting, tired of struggling with these thoughts and tired of hidding it all away. yet she still gets out of bed and begins her day. some un-seen force pushes her every day to just keep going. deppression is knowing she is not the first one to feel this way knowing that there are others out there worse off than her. she knows she is lucky and blessed, but she can not get her emotions undercontrol. depression is knowing. she knows and sees everything good but in her eyes nothing is good it all holds a dark side.
one night it all became to much. to much pain to many masks and to many tears she goes to her bathroom and sits on the floor.deppression is pioiuring out her sould in prayer pleading for peace, yet still plotting out her plan, she can not breath she is crying to hard. she cant handle this any more she just cant. deppression is putting everything into place and then decideng to follow through. and just when her mind is made up an un seen force consumes her and she feels for the first time a sense of hope. such a forgien feeling and just enough for her to pull her self off the floor. wipe the tears from her face and decide to go on just one more day.
deppression is deciding to take it day by day and tear by tear. deppresion is finding a friend. that one friend who could see right through you all along and at the perfect moment decides to step in. deppression is when the girl for the first time tells her story to someone. the first time she lets someone inside her soul. deppression is that friend doing all she can to find help for the girl. deppresion is step by step pulling her self up and slowely finding her happiness yet again. deppression is not when the tears begin to stop and the world becomes lighter. deppression is when no one else understands. they tell her its all in her head there is nothing truly wrong. in a strange way they are right. nothing was wrong but that couldnt stop the emotions and the constint pain.
deppression is sharing your story so others know they arnt alone. deppression is sacrificing that sacred part of your life so that others who feel the same and our lost in there emotions can find he help before its to late. deppression is finding love in places that where always right in front of you.