Christmas Day

So i decided that i should use this blog to keep the world updated our life. lol not that much happens for us but thats ok. I am still at the resturant and not loving it. hahaha what can you do. We had a wonderful christmas out first christmas as a married couple and are year anneversiary of are engagement. it was a wonderful two days. Edwin got me an Awesome camera! i love takin pictures and now that i have this awesome camera i cant wait to start taking as many pictures as possible. But i am kinda trying to wait until it gets a little bit warmer because it is freezing. like so cold i cant breath hahah. I got Edwin a cute little pistol for christmas seeing his face when he found out was so awesome i loved it! edwin was awake at six because he was so excited for christmas so he woke me up and we went and opened our presents together :) it was a perfect christmas. then we went to my sister in laws house and had christmas breakfast and opened presents with all of them and edwin spent like two hours putting together this cool race track that ray got lol it was awesome me and callie took pictures with our new cameras. then we went to my parents house for dinner and to exchange presents from all of us :) it was fun. we got to see my grandparents lol they are so so so funny hahaha love them. edwin is so bored with nothing to do. but dude its cool :) well have a good day!

I love the poeple in my life. everyone plays such an important role and it amazes me the small things that some people do that effect just the simplest thing. it is such a testimony to me that we are all here for a reason. and for each other. our heavenly father would not put us on this earth without someone to lean on. my biggest stuggle is swalling my pride and allowing myself to lean on someone else. its not that i am to proud but i dont want to bother anyone with my problems when i know that they have there own struggles. All of us with this gospel in our lifes are so blessed and we dont reliaze it until its about gone. i have gone through a rough part where i felt the blessing slipping out of my grasp. and i watched myself give up. it was not my proudest moment. but i am learning SO much that i never would have learned with out this experiance! i thought i was strong and maybe i was but not as strong as i am becoming after i over come all of this and let myself learn! fighting temptaion is my biggest teacher! I had a complete different picture for my life. a eaiser way that would have kept me sturdy and strong but one that would have never let me learn or even grow! and now i can look and i can see that. i can see how easy it would have been but how much more rewarding this is. it is definetly not easy at all! in fact it may be the hardest thing that i have ever done! and somedays i feel that it is only getting harder. but i am living day by day. and doing my best each day to be my best. because i think if i had the attitude that i need to always be the best i can. thats to overwhelming. but if i wake up every day saying "today i will be the best i can be" then my goal is eaiser to achieve because i am focuse on a little part. i have messed up.and i know that i have let alot of people down. and they would never admit it to me because they love me. but i want to make them all proud! and i am going to do my best that i can. i want to be better. and I AM GOING TO GO THROUGH THE TEMPLE! i will make them all proud of me again. i will show them that i am that girl and i am strong! i cant control alot of things in my life right now. but i can control my decsiions and that all i can do right now. and at times i feel helpless and alone. and i dont feel worthy for my heavenly fathers love or approval. and i need to forgive myself before i can love myself again. what will happen in the future i dont know. i know what i hope for but what is to be. is still a mystery to me. and maybe thats the way it should be. maybe thats my motivation. to make my own future! to build my own! all in all i am what i will always be. but i can always better that person and always grow and i have been given such a great oppurtunity with these trails to grow. now if only i can find the strength to keep going then i will make it and i will be ok. i will.

Testamony

I made this video while i was in college. it was awesome to make and such a testiment to my testamony. I love the picture of the girl who has sinned and then later in the film she is sitting wiht him clean again. I love my savior i love the support and love i feel from him when i feel like i have no where else to go. i know i have messed up and i know i am not perfect but i know that the lord is waiting for me with open arms just waiting for me to turn back to him. i am so glad that he still loves me because i am a screw up. the lord still blesses me day by day. with an amazing husband good boss great family loving parents great brothers and sisters. i deserve none of it but i still love the blessings that i have been givin i love my savior i love that i have the truth and i can not wait to entire his house and covenent with him forever!

HIGH SCHOOL.

I just realized. . . . that although i was apparently the lame girl who was not the pretty girl, not the homecoming queen, not the girl you would want to ask out on a date, i was the last resort girl. the relaiable friend that you could blow off over and over again and she would still be there. i was goofy looking and maybe had a pretty good personality and i was the girl that no one noticed in the hall the girl you would just walk right by and not even notice she was in the room. I WAS THAT VERY STRANGE GIRL but i liked that girl. I was what i was no questions asked. and ya i am growin up and becoming stronger. i stand up for my self a bit more and you know what is awesome and still amazes me SOMEONE FELL IN LOVE WITH ME! my husband fell in love with me and he loves me. honestly i look back at my old self and i miss her but i also feel bad for her. i dont know people look at my drivers license when i was sixteen and i thought i looked pretty good and they always every time they see it.. they make fun. and i end up back in this whole... ( not as deep as i was ) feeling insecure sad and lonely. i thought i looked good for my pitcure and it hurts i guess. and then i remember when i was fifteen at stephanies birthday party and the little boys that where a year younger than me who never saw me. i was invisable to them and then they called me the ugly girl! how are kids so mean and i thought i looked nice on thiss day as well. i have alot more confidence now. and what ever but when i think about it i get in this whole and i am sad about the way people looked at me. they never saw what was on the inside i hope i was nice to as many people as i could i never wanted to make any one feel invisable!! I want to make a difference to those kids who are good kids amazing kids with amazing personalitys but are invisable to the world because they dont have the looks. i dunno high school just has me thinking about what i can do different now. there are tons of kids who are good kids who do what there told and never get any reconition because there not trouble makers or good at sports or sad and deppresed. they need love to. my husband he saw me and i will be eternally grateful for him looking for me. who nows i dunno i am having a hard time. expressing my self *sigh* i hope my little sister is not invisable when she is at school. i doubt she is because she is so very strong! but i pray that she makes her self seen and she demands respect from others in the way i never ever did. :)

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SO... lol i should be doing laundrey but ugh i dont want to! so sunday we went to my friend brandon youngs homecoming that kid is pretty amazing its crazy to think how much he grew in two years it was awesome. we went to lunch with stephy sill girl i love her. and had dinner wiht my parents then we came home and i made a snow man and i used oreos to as the eyes and buttons but as soon as i put them on my dog ate them! then the next mornin g i looked out the window and there was a bird sitting on the snow mans head eating one of the eye balls. so now my snow man is tilted and has one eye ball and two arms! that is all that counts i am telling you. so i need to start rapping my presents. hmmm so my friend sarah she is getting married wow i dunno what to think about that cause ya long story but i am her friend and i am going to be there to support and love her cause she was for me! i do love her as well. well i suppose i should go do my laundrey :) yo yo have a good one!