I love the poeple in my life. everyone plays such an important role and it amazes me the small things that some people do that effect just the simplest thing. it is such a testimony to me that we are all here for a reason. and for each other. our heavenly father would not put us on this earth without someone to lean on. my biggest stuggle is swalling my pride and allowing myself to lean on someone else. its not that i am to proud but i dont want to bother anyone with my problems when i know that they have there own struggles. All of us with this gospel in our lifes are so blessed and we dont reliaze it until its about gone. i have gone through a rough part where i felt the blessing slipping out of my grasp. and i watched myself give up. it was not my proudest moment. but i am learning SO much that i never would have learned with out this experiance! i thought i was strong and maybe i was but not as strong as i am becoming after i over come all of this and let myself learn! fighting temptaion is my biggest teacher! I had a complete different picture for my life. a eaiser way that would have kept me sturdy and strong but one that would have never let me learn or even grow! and now i can look and i can see that. i can see how easy it would have been but how much more rewarding this is. it is definetly not easy at all! in fact it may be the hardest thing that i have ever done! and somedays i feel that it is only getting harder. but i am living day by day. and doing my best each day to be my best. because i think if i had the attitude that i need to always be the best i can. thats to overwhelming. but if i wake up every day saying "today i will be the best i can be" then my goal is eaiser to achieve because i am focuse on a little part. i have messed up.and i know that i have let alot of people down. and they would never admit it to me because they love me. but i want to make them all proud! and i am going to do my best that i can. i want to be better. and I AM GOING TO GO THROUGH THE TEMPLE! i will make them all proud of me again. i will show them that i am that girl and i am strong! i cant control alot of things in my life right now. but i can control my decsiions and that all i can do right now. and at times i feel helpless and alone. and i dont feel worthy for my heavenly fathers love or approval. and i need to forgive myself before i can love myself again. what will happen in the future i dont know. i know what i hope for but what is to be. is still a mystery to me. and maybe thats the way it should be. maybe thats my motivation. to make my own future! to build my own! all in all i am what i will always be. but i can always better that person and always grow and i have been given such a great oppurtunity with these trails to grow. now if only i can find the strength to keep going then i will make it and i will be ok. i will.